Things have been very busy lately, but nothing really new to report, so I thought I would start documenting some of my earlier misadventures. This story is actually the original misadventure. It was after telling this story at a party that I realized I might not be normal like everyone else (I had a sneaking suspicion before that, but nevermind)... Oh well, put on your way-back goggles, cause we are going all the way back to 1992.
Insert way-back wavy visual here...
In 1992 I was working for a small travel agency called Albany Travel, located suprisingly enough in my hometown of Albany, Oregon. My wife and I were expecting our first child. Times were very tight, at one point the year before I had done a quick unofficial phone survey and found that the fry-personel at McDonald's were making better money than I was in at Albany Travel. The one upside was every once in a while we got to travel and we love to travel, so it all works out right? So one day when my boss came in and announced that he needed me to go to Mexico on a "business" trip, I was thrilled. My wife who was 3 months pregnant was not. Pregnancy does not bode well with my wife, while she is very happy to be pregnant, she is pretty much miserable the whole 9 months. At this point we were just exiting what I like to call the "Morning Sickness from Hell" phase headed steadily for the "Massively Uncomfortable for the Next 4 Months" phase. It may have just been the nesting instinct talking but she finally agreed to let me go. I was cleared to go on my first international trip.
The first couple of days of my trip were very uneventful. I spent two days in Guadalajara, which has some lovely museums, but our story really picks up when I landed in Ixtapa/Zihuatanejo. For those who are unfamiliar with the Ixtapa/Zihuat area, a quick intro. In the late 80's and early 90's massive amounts of money was poured into the Ixtapa area, it was expected to be the next Puerto Vallarta or Mazatlan. Ixtapa is centered on a nice beach with 7 or 8 skyscraper hotels and all the resort amenities. It kind of reminds me of Waikiki, except with sombreros. Right next door is Zihuatanejo, a small mexican town which wraps around an astonishingly beautiful bay and features La Playa Ropa, one of the most gorgeous beaches in Mexico. One thing I forgot to mention, Albany Travel was really two businesses; the travel agency and a travel wholesale company called Love Mexico Tours. Love Mexico sold reservations at small mexican hotels that usually weren't represented by american firms. Which is why I was here. My job was to do hotel inspections at all of our properties in the area. My home base was the Hotel Irma in Zihuatanejo, our flagship property. We actually represented 3 hotels in Zihuatanejo, The Irma, her sister hotel The Fiesta Mexicana and an amazingly upscale hotel called The Hotel Villa Del Sol (We get to these hotels in a few moments).
I arrived at The Irma late in the afternoon on Saturday. It is a modest mexican hotel on the cliffs in Zihuatanejo. The view is Phenomenal.
Here are some current pictures of The Irma Hotel from our friends at Hotels.com. There are several pictures of the restaurant at the hotel, this location will come up later in our story.
Having arrived on Saturday, I was kind of stuck. If you have traveled in Mexico, you know that not much work takes place on Sundays. Fortunately our local ground operator offered to take me snorkeling. So bright and early the next morning I headed out with several of the ground operator's staff on a trimaran to a spot just outside Zihuatanejo bay. I had never snorkeled before so this was quite a treat. I spent several hours in the water paddling about while almost everyone else stayed on the boat. I found out why when I got back onboard. They stayed on the boat because the captain was serving a wonderful mexican lunch. By the time I got down to the galley all that was left was a few tortilla crumbs in the bottom of a bowl and a cooler full of Coronas. I was voraciously hungry at this point and things were about to take a turn.
Score:
Mexico - I / Al - 0
The boat ride back to Zihuatanejo was the longest hour of my life. I swear by the time I got in the taxi back to the hotel, I was starting to waste away. When I reached the hotel I flew to my room to shower and dress. Upon getting out of the shower I noticed my skin was warm. Very, very warm. A quick check in my bag confirmed that my sunscreen was not waterproof. At this point I was not worried, I had never burned easily and I was sure by morning everything would be fine, besides I was STARVING! So I headed down to the hotel restaurant, which overlooks the bay. I did not have a lot of money on this trip, but that night I didn't care. I ordered one of just about everything on the menu. The first entree to come was the nachos. My experience with nachos up to this point had been tortillas covered in cheese and various other toppings. Nachos ala Irma were a little different. What was placed in front of me was a plate covered in guacamole. Twenty or so tortilla chips were standing straight up in the green mixture. I don't really like guacamole, but I ate it like it was my favorite food on the planet. This was just the first of several courses to come. As I stuffed myself, the tv set (the only one in the hotel), blaired a sunday night variety show, kind of mexican version of Lawerence Welk...and all was well with the world , for the time being.
After a huge dinner I retired, exhausted to my room. I fell asleep instantly. Sometime around 3 in the morning, I was woken up by a strange noise. I lay there for a minute listening. I heard it again. It was moaning, I definitely heard moaning. After a few minutes, I heard it again. I thought wow, the people next door are really enjoying their mexican vacation. After a few more minutes, I realized it was me moaning. To be continued...
The Mexico Story
Scoring Clarification on my Home Improvements
I have received some flack about the final scoring on my recent home improvements. Allow me to elaborate so that everyone can see I am in full compliance with the Geneva Convention. So here is a quick recap:
Water Pipe Broken - House I
Sprinklers In - Al I
Sod In - Al I
Lawn Denched - House I
Sidewalk delayed by additional water pipe complications - House I
Gas Line Broken - House I
Sidewalk In - Al I
Fence In - Al I
Not having to work on the fence - Priceless....oops I mean Al I
So if you add all that up it should come out to a 5 / 4 victory fair and square!
Home Improvements - Afterword
The sidewalk, the backyard and the sprinkler system are all done!
A majority of the work was done before I had all my co-workers over for a belated housewarming party. Most of my co-workers were satified to tour the house and see the various rooms and furniture (and the hole in the wall where I tried to hang the giant Xmas tree - but that's a story for another time). But the adventurous few could be found out alongside the house looking for evidence of the mayhem that was this construction project. Unfortunately for them it was all cleaned up and looking marvelous. You could barely see the scorch-marks...just kidding!
Bonus Round: My new neighbor decided to build a fence around his backyard. It is a beautiful fence (He is obviously handy). I offered to help but he had a whole crew of his friends over to git-r-done, so I just paid for the materials for my side. Besides that, they were using a nail gun and I would hate to have to blog this from the hospital.
Final Score:
House - 4 / Al - 5 Winner!
Home Improvements, Part 5
Well here we are again. Yesterday we hoped to pour the cement. No such luck. Remember the water line breakage from Part 1. Oh yeah, it's back. It has been leaking. Poor "Bob" had to spend about 3 hours fixing it last night. I am not sure if we are going to pour cement today or not. "Bob" did an awesome job fixing the pipe, but the valve he put on it appears to faulty, he may have to replace it today. So fingers-crossed...
Score:
House - 4 / Al - 1
Home Improvements, Part 4 or Noah's Lawn
Just a quick one today, after fixing the gas line last night the guys continued to prep the side of the house to pour cement. At some point they turned on the sprinklers in the back yard to "keep that sod damp". Only thing is, they forgot to turn them off. I got up this morning and the sprinklers were on in the back yard, I thought "Wow, I didn't know they scheduled the sprinklers to run in the morning." After a little checking, I discovered that they didn't have the scheduling turned on yet. The sprinklers were on all night. I hope the sod doesn't die from over-watering.
Score:
House - 3 / Al - 1
Home Improvements, Part 3 or The Natural Gas Leak
I know that it is odd to start with Part 3, but this just happened about an hour ago and it is still fresh in my head. Don't worry I will get to Parts 1 and 2.
First a little history, my wife and I and our kids moved into our new house in July of 2004. It is actually a new home that we had built. It will be the source of many stories to come (trust me).
Since we moved in there have been several things that needed to be finished, most importantly the sidewalk alongside the house and the putting in the backyard. Our house is located in a brand new sub-division and we have been waiting for our neighbor's house to be finished before tackling these projects. When I say tackling these projects what I mean is "paying someone to put in the sidewalk and yard". I work on a computer all day and as my wife is more than willing to tell complete strangers, I am not handy. Besides that most times when I do it myself, things...um go awry.
Part 1 - Make way for the sidewalk
We decided to go ahead an put the sidewalk and yard in this month because the weather has been unusually nice for February in Oregon. We are having a someone from my wife's church do the work as he does contract work on the side. "Bob" even has an employee - "Dj" (Names have been changed to protect the semi-innocent). So they start digging out the passage beside my house with a small tractor when lo and behold, "Dj" hits the main water line to my house. Fortunately they got the water turned off at the street. So what was supposed to be an hour job turned into a six hour job + plumbing repair that I am still not certain is right.
Score:
House - 1 / Al - 0
Part 2 - My Backyard vs. Pizza
The weather is starting to get worse now and "Bob" has decided we need to get the yard in as soon as possible. He tells me that "Dj" will get the backyard tilled and rolled and start on the sod on Monday. He will come over around 5:00pm and help "Dj" finish up. "Dj" shows up about 10:00am to start tilling the backyard (BTW the backyard is not much bigger than a postage stamp). About 45 minutes in he asks to use the phone at 11:00am. I say sure and at 11:00am he makes a phone call and then takes off. One thing I forgot to mention, the tiller and roller were on a 4 hour rental. So after about an hour, I start worrying. I don't know what is going on, I don't have "Bob's" phone number and we are burning daylight. So my wife has an ingenius idea, she calls the last number called on the telephone to try and get a number for "Dj". "Dj" answers the phone, he is at JC's Pizzeria having lunch. My wife asked what was going on and he replies, "I am having lunch." So about an hour later, "Dj" is back on the case. He spends well over an hour finishing the tilling and rolling the backyard. So now he is off to return the equipment and get the sod. "Bob" and "DJ" start laying the sod around 5:00pm. I go out and help, because I am at least qualified to shlep sod. We finish in total darkness around 8:00pm. Quite damp as it has been sprinkling steadily for about an hour. But it is done, we are almost home free...
Score:
House - 1 / Al - 1
Part 3 - Smoke'em if you got'em
So back to today's fun. There were just a few last forms needed built before we can pour concrete. With any luck it will be poured tomorrow. So I am at work this afternoon when I get a frantic call from my wife. "Yeah, they were finishing up the forms and 'Dj' hit the natural gas line." "What do you mean hit the natural gas line?", I ask. "He was putting down the spikes for the form and he went right through the gas line, he heard it start hissing and called 'Bob'". "Dj" was at the door at this point so she needed to call me back. So she calls back a few minutes later, she is starting to panic "DJ just left, I heard the truck and he was pulling away." It was at this point I am beginning to picture my neighborhood in a firestorm, houses falling down, mushroom cloud overhead, etc, etc. My wife said that "DJ" assured her it was ok, because he "put the spike back in". I think that spike shaped shrapnel is the best, don't you? My wife calls me back about 5 minutes later and says "Bob" is there and everything is under control, the gas company is on their way.
So I get my gear and quickly head home, hoping against hope that my home and my neighbor's house will be intact. As I drive into my neighborhood things are looking good, no fleeing crowds, no smoke or signs of impact damage. I pull up and park, smelling the air for gas fumes. I don't smell anything. But as I do get closer I start to smell something...Marlboro Reds. "Dj" and Worker #3 (who I have never seen before) are happy as clams smoking away. So I ask in my most unassuming voice: "Everything Ok? I heard we had a problem?" "Oh yeah, it's all fixed the gas company was here 20 minutes ago", DJ informs me. "Great", I say; "Cause otherwise smoking would be not such a great idea right now huh?" That gets a big laugh. Then "Dj" explains what happened. "I drove the spike in and then I smelled gas, so I threw my cigarette down and got out of there!" Let me reiterate: HE WAS SMOKING WHEN HE BROKE THE NATURAL GAS LINE AND THEN THREW DOWN HIS CIGARETTE AND RAN AWAY. The fact that my house is still standing is a miracle. The fact that he still has eyebrows is a miracle. We have got to get this cement down quickly. I cannot be the first guy in history to blow up his neighborhood while laying cement! Hopefully there will not be a part 4 to this story...
Score:
House - 2 / Al - 1
From the beginning...well sort of
Hi, my name is Al.
I am writing this blog is to record the funny things that seem to happen to me all the time. These are not always good things, but in retrospect they are funny none the less. I would like to think that these things happen to everybody, but my friends keep insisting, "that could only happen to you, Al".
I feel like I am starting this very late, so many funny things have happened in the last couple of years. But, you have to start somewhere, right? I will add some of my more classic stories from time to time.
This should be fun, what's the worst that could happen?
